Stay young, go dancing

• had serious bonding time with my roommate today and I’m extremely excited to live with her and Mary next year
• got my study abroad packet for Ireland spring 2013 and I’m so scared but I told myself I’d apply so it’s happening
• absolutely fell apart in ballet today, I really need to get my shit together in time for…
• partnering class which starts next Friday and will be nine days of me being exhausted but actually dancing with boys
• triple date on friday night I really can’t contain my enthusiasm here, I’m so excited
• barenaked ladies was used in spin class today reminding me how awesome they are
• my Dad made a blog for the Olymipics, he’s absolutely a nerd about the games and I’m so glad I inherited this from him
• still have Razz’s Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince cds and have been listening to them religiously and I LOVE YOU RAZZ, DO YOU HEAR ME?
• I should stop rambling and actually get some sleep; to anyone who took the time to read this, have a lovely evening

I’ve known for a long time that I micromanage and worry to much about relationships, including those that I’m not directly a part of. I really have no explanation for how I feel other than “I just wish everyone would get along.” I know this is entirely unrealistic and idealistic, but it really kills me when I’m part of a group of friends and I know that members of the group aren’t getting along. I don’t mean it annoys me or makes me sad, I mean it really fucks with my mood, and there’s a part of me that feels the need to fix it or work on it or just try to get people to sit down, have a conversation, and figure shit out.

I know that I’ve been this way for a long time; my Dad has never failed to point it out to me in his own good-natured way. I also know that to a degree it’s not my place to tell people how to handle their relationships. But when two friends (or former friends, I guess) come to me to complain about the other person and I try to rectify the situation without getting myself in trouble or choosing a side, I get fucked over. Plain and simple, I want my friends to be on good terms, I want people to be happy. I know that you can’t force people to enjoy each other’s company or to want to spend time together. But I also know that civility isn’t much to ask, and that teenage girls who bitch and moan about each other behind closed doors and say nothing face to face get nowhere. In the past, I never would have tried to keep friends together. Conflict scares the shit out of me, I’d rather just hide from it and dream of what I would say to people. But hopefully I’m maturing past that and can help myself and my friends.

What I’m looking to avoid is being shit on and treated like I’m stupid, uninformed, or useless. I’m trying to help here because I would like my group of friends to be on good terms. I’m not trying to be the pillow you scream into. If you want to rant at someone and tell them why you’re upset, go tell them. Don’t attack me and give me the speech you wish you had the balls to tell them. On the same hand, if you want to bitch about someone not communicating with you, you’d better damn well try to communicate with them first. The phones work both ways.

So yes, if you’re going to start going nuts on me about why someone else isn’t being a good friend, I’m going to walk away. Does that make me a bad friend? Maybe, and maybe I’ll have to come to terms with that. But I’m not putting myself out there to be the punching bag and take the hits that both sides want to direct at each other but wont actually follow through with. If it comes to that, I’ll sit in my room and avoid all of you.

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This is for the sake of my twitter, I refuse to blow up the phone of anyone who has me on mobile uploads.

• SUCH a classy opening, I absolutely love it. 
• Christina, you could do so much better with your hair/outfit, I’m disappointed.
• Florence, you are gorgeous and I love you
• Ricky Martin in jeggins, WHY?
• Lady Gaga, I don’t consider myself a huge fan, but I have a lot of respect for you. I do consider it ironic that many of the people who will make “Born This Way” their anthem will continue to judge the people who are just the slightest bit different than them, though.
• Eminem beat Drake for best Solo rap performance, do not approve.
• Janelle Monae, B.o.b., and Bruno Mars tore it up and I am so proud.
• J Beibs and Usher are in love, so many dreams just died…
• I said it already but… Abby from NCIS and Paramore, great combination.
• Loving the ten surprises of the Grammy’s, well done Letterman.
• Mumford and Sons, I love you. Bob Dylan, still going strong.
• Lady Antebellum, no. Just no.
• I have no words for Cee Lo other than love.
• John Mayer facial hair….
• Really though, what’s the difference between Record and Song of the Year?
• In general many of these performances have just been badly mixed. Shouldn’t vocals be louder than instrumentals?
• Eminem u mad?
• El oh el, I was sure Beibs would win best new artist; I was in favor of Mumford and Sons, Florence, OR Drake; but no. This girl I don’t even know won. Cool.
• Sign Language commercial, COOL!
• Mister Schu!
• Mick Jagger doing Blues Brothers, I am shocked with how much I love this, especialy the shots of Drake jamming out. So good.
• If you people continue refering to Barbara Streissand as boring I will actually cut you. Shut up and listen. The Grammy’s are here for all sorts of music, not just the pop stuff you listen to.
• Drake I love you, Rihanna, eh.

That is all. To anyone who actually read all of this, props.

and the fact that they continue to take it out on me. If I mess up, that’s fine, I should feel guilty/make up for it/fix things. But it’s not up to me to choose sides. You’re both grown adults and you may not realize how honest-to-God shitty it makes me feel.

In the Library of Congress scene, they are definitely not in the actually library. I probably could have figured that out before, but I have actual proof now!

You can only see the reading room where Justin Bartha and Nicholas Cage look like they’re talking about the Preservation Room from one balcony on the second floor of the Library. No one can actually get into that room, unless you’re a politician/have mad connections (or so I’d assume). But if you stand on this little glass-cased balcony, anyone can look into the reading room. Only one shot from that scene is actually in the Library, and it’s taken standing on that platform/balcony thing. The rest is most likely in a studio.

Maybe this is total bull, but i feel cool having noticed it. =D

I’d like to say that 2009 was one amazing year, with some of the highest highs and lowest lows I’ve ever known.

I have a couple people to thank for this, but one person has changed my life more than anyone else this year. I dont mean to be cheesy or overly sentimental, but if I think of the way things could have turned out in a million different instances, I owe the choices I made to one person.

He knows how much he means to me (well, he’d better), but I want him to know once more. This Alex Zilliox kid that I’ve been dating for a year now means the world to me.

We’ve had our ups and downs, just like anyone else has. But more than anything, ups and ups and more ups. When I’m upset/angry/frustrated/sad, I know he’s one who will understand what’s going on inside my head. He knows me better than I know myself at some moments, and somehow knows the exact words to say.

I like to think of the moments we’ve shared over the past year, and the ways that I’ve matured and become a better person because of him. I can honestly say that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I pray that it never changes.

So Alex, I just do.

Happy New Year.

We had a big family dinner tonight, and 15 members of my Grandma’s kids/grandkids came out to dinner in downtown Buffalo. People were genuinely happy, which I really loved.

My Grandpa (aka Poppie) has lung cancer and is pretty old, and this was one of the first times he’d been outside his house in a long time. He’s a grumpy old Irishman, who uses phrases like “Judas Priest”, and drinks mostly Manhattans and iced tea. This guy never stands still. He paints, gardens, fixes up his house constantly. And he’s a bit of a stubborn old bastard too.

When he found out he had lung cancer, my family immediately flocked in from out of town, one weekend after another, so everyone could spend some time with him and my Grandma. Of course he put up a fuss and sai:

“Now if God kept me on this Earth for eighty-plus years, and He wants to take me from it, He will, and there’s nothing any of you can do to stop it.” He’s the kind of guy who’s resigned to accept his fate, and won’t let any of us worry about him.

My family prays before meals, being the Irish Catholics that we are. And after the traditional ‘grace’, my Poppie always says “God Bless Pat, and I, and all the children.” (Pat being Patricia, my Grandma). It’s become a family joke and everyone waits to hear it before we eat.

But tonight it was different. We heard “God Bless Pat and the children.”

I dont know if anyone’s taking the time to read this entire thing, but if you have, say a prayer for my Poppie and my family. Its scary to think of my Grandma without him and the way it would hurt my family. I understand that everyone dies, and some sooner than others, but pray for acceptance, because that’s what we all need most right now, myself included.