Stay young, go dancing

I’ve known for a long time that I micromanage and worry to much about relationships, including those that I’m not directly a part of. I really have no explanation for how I feel other than “I just wish everyone would get along.” I know this is entirely unrealistic and idealistic, but it really kills me when I’m part of a group of friends and I know that members of the group aren’t getting along. I don’t mean it annoys me or makes me sad, I mean it really fucks with my mood, and there’s a part of me that feels the need to fix it or work on it or just try to get people to sit down, have a conversation, and figure shit out.

I know that I’ve been this way for a long time; my Dad has never failed to point it out to me in his own good-natured way. I also know that to a degree it’s not my place to tell people how to handle their relationships. But when two friends (or former friends, I guess) come to me to complain about the other person and I try to rectify the situation without getting myself in trouble or choosing a side, I get fucked over. Plain and simple, I want my friends to be on good terms, I want people to be happy. I know that you can’t force people to enjoy each other’s company or to want to spend time together. But I also know that civility isn’t much to ask, and that teenage girls who bitch and moan about each other behind closed doors and say nothing face to face get nowhere. In the past, I never would have tried to keep friends together. Conflict scares the shit out of me, I’d rather just hide from it and dream of what I would say to people. But hopefully I’m maturing past that and can help myself and my friends.

What I’m looking to avoid is being shit on and treated like I’m stupid, uninformed, or useless. I’m trying to help here because I would like my group of friends to be on good terms. I’m not trying to be the pillow you scream into. If you want to rant at someone and tell them why you’re upset, go tell them. Don’t attack me and give me the speech you wish you had the balls to tell them. On the same hand, if you want to bitch about someone not communicating with you, you’d better damn well try to communicate with them first. The phones work both ways.

So yes, if you’re going to start going nuts on me about why someone else isn’t being a good friend, I’m going to walk away. Does that make me a bad friend? Maybe, and maybe I’ll have to come to terms with that. But I’m not putting myself out there to be the punching bag and take the hits that both sides want to direct at each other but wont actually follow through with. If it comes to that, I’ll sit in my room and avoid all of you.